Does your fear of missing out announce dark mental horrors?
Know the dreadful issues that are significant for your FOMO
Power Moves - Illustration by Isabela Humphrey (blush.design)
Fear of missing out made me obsess that he would steal the credit!!!!
Happy Tuesday friends of Substack!
If you obsess over others stealing your show you need to read my story.
I was a mid-level manager driving a project. But when the time came to present it to the executive committee I fell ill. The CFO, who was my reporting manager assured me he would present my work & I could rest at home. I could not appreciate his kindness because I was insecure & anxious those days.
"What if he steals the credit?”
"What if he doesn’t highlight my role in the project?”
“What if he goofs up while presenting?”
These wild thoughts drove me to turn up at the presentation meeting, though I was ill & could barely walk. The CFO told me coldly that I had lost his support since it looked like I had trust issues.
I lost the war in trying to win the battle! He was a senior who was in my corner up until then!
FOMO (fear of missing out) wasn’t a thing in the previous century.
I am a 90s kid. Back then, we were allowed to get bored. Boredom was in fact a rite of passage through childhood. We could invent interesting games to drive away monotony.
In post-modern quick fix times FOMO has become a buzzword. It has worsened post pandemic. Do you see people tripping over themselves for invites to events they missed in lockdown? That’s FOMO.
We pursue shiny object after another, each as short lived as a firefly’s life to run a sprint against boredom.
When worth is measured by the quantity of social engagements it’s easy to fear missing out.
Does FOMO make you feel you aren’t connected enough, cool enough or “in the know”? Or like your social circle isn’t big enough & you are not liked enough.
FOMO is a time & happiness killer. It may mean you prioritise the wrong things. It gets you mindf*&ked from social media spying & shortens your attention span. You may even burnout from extreme FOMO.
But FOMO could indicate deeper issues in some people. Maybe we want to pause & think about FOMO. What is this fear deep rooted in?
FOMO could be driven by high anxiety.
How do we confirm that it is? By becoming aware of our internal dialogues when we are scared of missing out.
Anxious people whose condition shows up as FOMO overthink thoughts that begin with “what if”:
What if….
They don’t invite me?
They get close to each other & exclude me from the clique?
Others talk about me when I’m absent?
This is the event of the year & I miss it?
They have too much fun without me?
They attempt to pull the rug from under my feet?
Anxiety forces them to attend social gatherings they’d rather give a miss, to people please/ belong to a clique.
If these are momentary thoughts/ actions, relax. We all suffer from the human condition of wanting to belong. But if these thoughts consume you & stop you from functioning in the here & now high anxiety could be driving them.
Life can be tough for those who suffer from the belief that they are lonely/ rejected.
I’ve always been part of a small family unit. As I grew up, I felt more disconnected with my parents, as many of us do. Friends became my lifeline. Along came 2020 when I lost friendships once dear to me. I know what loneliness feels like. Ever since, I’ve been trying to be a part of various cliques, just to belong again.
It’s not always feelings of loneliness / rejection that drive FOMO, but these could be warning signs. If we believe:
We have no real friends.
Others want to be close to us only for advantage.
No one genuinely cares about us.
We are always left out of cliques.
And if we let these beliefs consume us, it is dangerous.
Belief is a powerful thing. When we let our thoughts linger on the beliefs that let us down, FOMO is an effect. You compromise your tastes to spend time with those you share no real connect with. That’s a waste of the limited time you have.
Not familiar with who you see in the mirror? You may give FOMO a louder voice.
Most of us spend our lives knowing others & accommodating to them. This works well for the first three decades. Then the pain of not knowing who we are starts to show up.
Extreme disconnect with self leads to FOMO. When we don’t know what drives us, we fall in line with anything. We do things that don’t define who we are. We say YES in fear of missing out when we should be saying NO.
Low self-esteem means FOMO.
With low self-esteem we don’t value ourselves. This lack of respect for our personal time & space makes us want the next feel-good fix. If that fix doesn’t show up, we experience maddening FOMO.
Those suffering from extreme FOMO can become depressed if they don’t work on the underlying causes. Extreme FOMO is about needing constant validation. It acts like a drug that suppresses unmet needs. It can be exhausting.
The root causes of FOMO are sourced from missing the climb up the evolutionary ladder.
When we live in environment or behavior, we are looking for validation & FOMO strikes. When we start to let our values define us, we know who we want to show up as & for what. FOMO slinks away, tail between legs.
A technique to deal with FOMO. (this worked for me but I am not a professional so if your condition is extreme, you may need further help):
Self-compassion meditation has been my biggest support. It helps me be more mindful & accept myself & my situation better.
It is our beliefs that we need to guard to keep FOMO at bay. What Tony Robbins once said sums up our tryst with FOMO- “stand guard at the gateway of your mind.”