How We Have Made Our Boundaries Strong & Heart Empty
How boundaries are a ticking bomb that make us frenemies
Sourced from Open Peeps, Hand-Drawn Illustration Library made in Home — Canva
Have you read, Great Expectations? The book leaves my heart empty of tears every time I read it. Maybe I see a bit of myself in Pip, the boy-man running from a past he feverishly disowned yet loved in the form of Estella.
We play games of push & pull with our past, heart empty in silent nostalgia.
We push away the memories that come with those who knew us when we were young & vulnerable.
Maybe we don’t want to meet who we were when young.
Are we a bit ashamed of who we were back then? Were we bullied & thought so little of ourselves that we did not fight back? Our childhood left our vulnerable hearts empty.
We now live in a different world. In this world of the present, we have an image to protect & project to everyone who knows us only as we have become- detached, aloof & in charge. Our old friends are inconvenient blasts from the past we are scared to embrace. They know us after all as vulnerable children who ached to love & accept.
Have we forgotten the art of setting flexible boundaries?
I hired an architect schoolmate to design my home. While I wanted to renew the old friendship, she was wary enough to clarify that we were acquaintances, not friends. I learnt she has boundaries around mates from her past who are parents because she chose to be childless.
We build our boundaries so strong we can’t break them if we want to.
Kids are great at being flexible. I see my toddler relaxing his boundaries often. He doesn’t like to share his toys but does so when his best friend visits.
The flexible toddler learns to become a severe adult with boundaries strong & heart empty
Who would rather push friends away than choose them on merit? Who cannot relax boundaries & let the good in?
Maybe we do this when we are circumspect of the world in general.
I see before me loving promising children grow into hardened adults because they have learnt to distrust people.
In a world where boundaries of distance & time are being torn down, we live torn apart by the inability to protect ourselves without hurting others.
Are our rigid boundaries leaving others with scars? We are spoilt for choices because we live a life full of options. But we find it difficult to make choices because we fear judgment.
We feel judged by family & friends & by a ruthless faceless network of friends we call social media. Our friends become those very enemies who cross our boundaries with their judgement so we feel the need to stay aloof with heart empty.
When I don’t understand your actions I am missing a part of your story. When you don’t understand my actions you are missing a part of my story.
Afraid of our boundaries crumbling we actively push people away. We are on the edge about being judged even when there is no one to judge us. When old friends enter we don’t feel comforted in the cocoon of their warmth. We feel insecure about our vulnerable pasts.
If only we had not been so open, so trusting!
We say mean things to protect ourselves & those we love from the thorns, ignoring the roses that may scatter the hallways of friendships past.
And because we are a society that is ruthless to its women, we place women in the dock rather than give them the compassion they need & deserve.
Which is why women have the guard up more than their men. We blame the female half for a friendship gone sour but we don’t accept blame for forcing her to make that choice.
Maybe we need to learn from our children.
Maybe if we embrace the thorns as well as roses of our broken childhood, we may be able to believe in the magic of our humanness once again.
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